I know, you are probably wondering, where’s Jennifer been? She just disappeared. So much has happened in the last 7 months and I am not really sure where to begin…. Maybe it’s been even longer than 7 months… I am not sure anymore…I guess, like everyone else, I should start at the beginning.
We tend to think about loss and grief when it is connected to the loss of a person, our great love, our children, our parents, our siblings… And that’s not wrong at all…. It’s just part of the story of our lives. Stephen Levine has written about this and has audio recordings about such everyday grief. If you’re not familiar, check out some of his work. He and his wife Ondrea are such amazing teachers.
I put this blog on hold when my full-time job got crazy. I work in social services and in a sort of residential setting. We had 12 admissions, all at once, and life was crazy for so long. During this time, I was also teaching a psych 101 class at a local college; hired only a few weeks before the semester started. There were so many other life changes, losses, regrets, and lost opportunities. And along with all that, grief came. Not a little, but a full-on grief journey.
I have always heard from clients that grief is an invisible wound, much like chronic illness, like Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, etc. I get that description, of an invisible illness… I mean I have understood that in the past, but it’s been very real to me in the past year.
“You look fine” because you learn to hide it or people just get used to you looking tired, being under the weather, or moving slow. The “you” who they see every day has become the picture they have for you. Not the “you” who you were 2 yrs ago, 6 yrs ago, or whenever it was that you were happy, healthy, or in balance. They don’t get that this shell in front of them is not the “you” that you see when you look in the mirror.
So, I think that this may be a topic that I explore here. The loss so great no one can see. The daily losses that chip away at you and can leave you hollow if you have nothing to fill back in the space. The losses that pile up so high, you realize you can’t see the sun, even when there was never a sunnier day. I’ve listened to a lot of stories in the past year, had a few losses, journeyed with a few others, and got in touch with some people who I had lost and are found again.
Maybe you’ll join me as we take this leg of the journey. Who knows where we will end up? Wherever we end up, let us hope it is not in the place where it all began. Journeys move us forward, even when we are standing still or treading water. There is no “reverse” on our gear shifts because even when we think we are going back or can go back, we are never ever that same person in time or space. I’d love to hear from you along the way and just remember, this is where we honor the light that is within you, no matter where you are, how much you’ve lost, or how far you’ve gone.