The other night I started a blog about the work of Frank Ostaseski who co-founded Zen Hospice Project and founded Metta Institute.
Over the next few nights, I will be writing about each of the 5 Precepts or teachings that Frank created in his years of working with dying people and training volunteers and caregivers.
The first precept is simply: Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing.
And there is nothing and everything simple about this first precept.
I almost wanted to write about this teaching last because it is so all-encompassing and I chuckled to myself every time I had that thought. If I have learned nothing else about Buddhism (and dying) it is that everything is interconnected and the beautiful tapestry of life is in the weaving of all the threads to make the whole. And yet we are linear thinkers and you have to start somewhere so why not with a welcome?
Frank describes the essence of this precept as receptivity. With receptivity to another, we cultivate a non-judgmental attitude and I can think of no better time to practice being non-judgmental than as we accompany someone who is living their dying.
Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing
As a hospice volunteer, caregiver, family member, etc we learn to let go of our need to control and allow the person who is dying to call the shots, to do it his/her way. What a compassionate practice! I wonder how many times in our lives we experience this kind of receptivity and acceptance in our own mind or in the presence of another person? Sadly, I think it is few times for most of us.
Caregiving for the dying is messy. . . I don’t only mean the mess of changing bedding and dressings or spilled soup. I also mean all of the stuff that I as the caregiver and “you” as the dying person bring to the encounter. We each bring our judgments, ideas, values, histories, loves, prejudices, beliefs, and experiences. We bring old wounds. . . thinking we aren’t good enough, we should be alone, I should be in pain to atone for my life, I’m no body, etc, etc, etc.
But cultivating the ability to welcome everything and push away nothing is like breathing in deeply when one has been trying to catch the breath. It opens the spaces around us and in us. It allows for lightness and mercy to be present. We practice being open to all that is around us in the environment but also within us — like our how we hold our body, how we listen, and how we touch the person who we are with.
Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing
When we sit on the meditation cushion, we sit with our backs straight but not rigid. We allow our hearts to be open and our lungs the space to breathe in and out deeply. We hold our hands on our laps lightly. When I first started to meditate I loved using the image that Thich Nhat Hanh described. . . to hold our hands as if we were holding the baby buddha in them. And with our presence at the bedside, we do just that. We hold the person we are with enough support and enough tenderness.
It’s not easy to let go of control, to allow someone freedom to do what they think they should. And many of us have very strong feelings of right and wrong or even how one should think, feel, behave, and yes, die. But in that letting go of control, we meet each other together in an ocean of healing. We allow the space for each person in the relationship to be present to the other and we allow the ground for the nakedness that comes with being wholeheartedly present.
Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing
[...] you haven’t read my intro or the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd Precepts, please check them [...]
[...] “Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing” (namasteconsultinginc.com) [...]
[...] “Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing” (namasteconsultinginc.com) [...]
[...] “Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing” (namasteconsultinginc.com) [...]
[...] “Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing” (namasteconsultinginc.com) [...]
[...] “Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing” (namasteconsultinginc.com) [...]
Wonderful post! It makes me realize the very nature of the struggle I’ve been having lately: not welcoming everything, trying to push away a lot. Thank you for the reminder:)
I really look forward to your ‘series’
Thanks for the reposting and for leaving the comments here. How sweet. I would love to be close enough to some of the Contemplative End of Life programs. . . I think it is probably the best therapy and some of the greatest dharma lessons for living right here and right now!
Peace, Jen
When I lived in another city, I was a hospice volunteer — & had heard of the Zen Hospice Project. But i wasn’t deep into the practices then, as I am now, & no one at that hospice was either, so I have no direct experience with dying/dharma, etc. BUT — I have no doubt, that it is a ripe, very fertile area for practice! And it’s what I will want, when my time comes, for sure:)
Do you ever listen to Dharma Podcast from Upaya? You can get it on their website or on Itunes. When I was there in April, Frank shared the 5 Precepts. He, of course, did not go into them the way he did in his cds, but he has some lovely stories from his own hospice experiences. Of course, both ZHP and Metta Institute have his cds for sale too. It’s really awesome stuff.
~J
I’ve never listened to those podcasts before — thanks for pointing the way:)
[...] another way, as in this post of Namaste Consulting, it is: “welcome everything, push away nothing”. ((This is first in a series on the 5 principles or teachings of Frank Ostaseski, co-founder of the [...]
[...] another way, as in this post of Namaste Consulting, it is: “welcome everything, push away nothing”. ((This is first in a series on the 5 principles or teachings of Frank Ostaseski, co-founder of [...]
Thanks for posting!
I think this is one of the hardest things to practice in this life.
[...] Welcome everything. Push away nothing. [...]
[...] Welcome everything. Push away nothing. [...]
[...] you haven’t seen the my introduction or the First precept, please click these links before you read about Frank Ostaseski’s Second [...]
[...] “Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing” (namasteconsultinginc.com) [...]
[...] “Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing” (namasteconsultinginc.com) [...]
[...] “Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing” (namasteconsultinginc.com) [...]
[...] “Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing” (namasteconsultinginc.com) [...]