“If we cannot face death with equanimity, how can we be of assistance to our patients?”
- Quote for the Day: Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (Taking Charge) (konkerer.com)
- The Grasp Of Your Hand (namasteconsultinginc.com)
Here’s the interview:
So I was just sending some emails back and forth with a really dear friend… we were discussing, are you surprised, grief…
We were talking about keeping the person who has died in our daily lives… not having a shrine, not morbidly thinking about the person in an obssessive kind of way, but well, as the title of the book goes, in a “Continuing Bonds” sort of way.
She was telling me how she has photos and momentos of her really close friend, despite it being several years since he died. And I shared that there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of my brother or my mentor.
As I was typing that, I thought about a couple that my parents had been close to as I was growing up.. They were like adopted parents to me or I guess more accurately, I was like the daughter they never had and my parents knew that this little blonde with pigtails could talk enough to handle a set of real parents and some part time ones…
This couple was a part of my weekly life growing up.. not daily though I am sure there were times we saw them daily. But it was an almost weekly, like clockwork thing, to see them on a Friday night after dinner or for a cookout out after one of her garages sales on Saturday (or the guys working on the cars)…
But they were such a huge part of my growing up, responsible for who I am today… always proud of my accomplishments, always there to give support when I was doing something like volunteering at a nursing home, or listening to me have an opinion at a very young age (about everything)…
And I wondered as we emailed back and forth why I don’t think of them more often.. My parents and I will talk about them when we talk about our history or back “home” but I don’t think of Barb and Harris every day. When I do, I do miss them.
Then the weirdest thing happened, I hopped on my pc (I was emailing her from my macbook air) and I decided to take a gander at some of the excellent blogs that I follow… and there was a post from Wanderlust all about Ouiji Boards.
WOW, my brother and Barb used to do the Ouiji Board and that was one of the things I was telling my friend… one of the memories I had of this couple.
Now, you might think it is a coincidence. Why not. I am sure that people blog about Ouiji Boards all the time (really?)
But for me, it was an affirmation… that those that I have lost and love are still close. No, maybe Mike or Barb didn’t plant a seed in the ears of folks over at Wanderlust… but, the seed was watered within me… the seed of a memory that I will have forever, that continues the bonds that I had with them.
It is in these moments that I know there is No Death and No Fear, as Thich Nhat Hanh talks about. In these moments, I know that my love for all those who have come before me is alive and present here and now, whether I can reach out and hug them or not.
I’ve heard too many stories from too many people over the years to believe that those who love us do not continue to have an impact on our daily lives, however you want to describe it.
My parents had a Christmas plant in their living room all of a sudden start to bloom in August near their anniversary. They had not done anything to encourage it. They had not watered it, moved it, or anything else, but by their anniversary on Aug 2, it’s beautiful pink and white blossoms were fully open.
And who used to force bulbs?
Who loved flowers?
So, I don’t care if it was just a fluke. It gave me comfort to believe that Mike was trying to let us know he was around. And if I’m wrong, it doesn’t mean that I need a good dose of Risperidone, it means that I am a grieving sister who loves her parents and whose heart aches that her parents miss her brother every day of their lives.
So, what coincidences have you witnessed?