Namaste Consulting Inc.

From The Grieving Teen by, Helen Fitzgerald… advice for a grieving teen

“Have patience with your friends if they say foolish things intended to be helpful.  It is most unlikely that they would want to hurt you.  Given them the benefit of the doubt.” 

WOW, this is asking so much of anyone when they are grieving, let alone a teen.

I think about all of the clients I have heard be so angry at the words, “I know just how you feel”.  Or all the dumb things people say to grieving parents, without knowing the harm that they are causing…

But this is good advice for us all.  There are those people who are true friends who might not know the right thing to say, might never have had a loss, and let’s face it adolescents are just learning coping skills and trying out socialization skills.

If someone is a “got your back”, “be there on your darkest days” kind of friend, we need to remember that they are in pain when we are.  People who love us want to help us and sometimes are in so much pain for us that they want a quick fix for our suffering.

One thing we can do it talk to our kids at a very early age about being supportive of grieving friends.

We can tell them that if they think someone might hurt themselves to tell an adult.

We can teach them to say, “I’m sorry you hurt and I wish I could take the pain away, though I know I can’t.”

The most important lesson… teaching kids to be compassionate at an early age.  It’s much tougher to be need to be compassionate and have to learn the skill on the spot.

I know there are so many hard things that the bereft have to face, but one of the most crucial for their healing and others is to be able to be an advocate for their own grieving and let others know what they need and what they are feeling.  Help your child learn this life lesson early on and it will be something they never lose.

Related articles

• Grieving Teens and Permission (namasteconsultinginc.com)
• Q & A: Still Grieving??? (namasteconsultinginc.com)
• Being A Supportive Friend To A Grieving Person (namasteconsultinginc.com)
• The Tasks of Grief (namasteconsultinginc.com)
• Grief Theories (namasteconsultinginc.com)
• Crazy Ideas about Grief (namasteconsultinginc.com)
• Factors that Influencing Grief (namasteconsultinginc.com
• Liz Hendrickson – I”ve Been There Too Blog Post 
• Honoring Your Journey – Blog Talk Radio Spot with Young Grief Professional Liz Hendrickson